Finished

The job is finished officially, but there are still tasks which need follow-up. I somehow don't have a sense of completion or accomplishment as I usually would in such a circumstance. I wonder if it is because of the nature of being an independent contractor in this case.

The class I was taking is also finished. I ran into some problems with BlackBoard as I was taking the final exam, but that's all worked out now and all requirements are complete. I ended up with a high percentage score and I learned a lot.

My son is graduating in a few days and we are planning to make the trip to his ceremony.

This post does not seem to be about any of the themes I've chosen for this blog. Yet, I write it anyway.

Started the Job

Well, I've started the job. I'm not an employee, but an independent contractor with the public school. My official position is Outreach Specialist for the Out of School Youth Program. The work has been intense and the learning curve steep since day one. Another beginning.

I've been hesitant to post or to make much comment on the job. I guess I want some sense that it will be successfully completed before I comment. It's short term, grant funded. I'm drawing on much of my past experience, but am, also, called on to do things I've never done before. Right now I'm doing some simple computer graphics, but it doesn't seem so simple since it's all new to me. I am trying to focus each day on excellence of attitude and bringing no expectations or judgment to my work, just accepting this as an opportunity to serve.

The Tasks Before Me

"Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be the miracle."

— Phillips Brooks

I copied this from The Daily Gratitude Blog, one of my links. This is a place I go for inspiration regularly now. I've been saving this quote, thinking I'd possibly post it along with some comment, if and when I knew I had the position I was attempting to independently contract with the public school. Today I started. It's going to be quite a challenge and I do, indeed, need to pray for powers equal to the tasks. I attempt to go into this work, not with excitement and expectations, but with serenity and faith. My energy must come from the playing out of gratitude. I am definitely grateful for this opportunity.

Beginnings in Ends

"What we call a beginning is often the end
and to make an end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from."


"We shall not cease from exploration
and the end of all our exploring
will be to arrive where we started
and know the place for the first time."

~T. S. Eliot

Happy Birthday to Me

Today is the beginning of my 56th year on this earth. It seems my life is in such a state of flux it's not apparent what meaning to attach to this event. (And, the human mind does strive for meaning.) I know I desire balance. I've been through so many changes I suppose it's inevitable I'd still be reeling a bit, so I need to accept that. I fell in love (perhaps more on that incredible experience in another post), got married, moved from my community of over 30 years, sold my house, quit my job, and relocated-not to mention more personal situations too tender to mention here).

I remember as a child spinning about in a grassy, open area, just for the fun of it, then falling onto the ground, giggling and dizzy. When I started to get up, there was sometimes the prolonged moment of feeling nauseated and maybe wishing I hadn't spun quite so long or so fast. I would sink back to the earth and try to enjoy the sensation of dizziness again. Eventually I'd regain a sense of balance and again start to get up and walk. As I walked it was quite unpleasant for a while; I might be able to walk upright, but not without great effort. It was only a short moment after that my balance would return and I could move about normally. Perhaps this memory is a metaphor for me right now. I believe I'm in the getting up and walking stage, but it is with great effort.

image from hubpages.com

Stand By Me

This is a beautiful video: vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip-id=2539741

Oh God, my God!

Another song by "Mana" at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujZSP8PsDrk&feature=related...helps me remember the whole universe is a sacred space!

Thy Name is My Healing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkOTwD-N4Fs&feature=related

Decisions and Medical Insurance

I've carried medical insurance previously, but this is the first time in almost 20 years that I've been covered under a group plan, thanks to my husband's medical insurance that is provided through his employer. It's still expensive, but doesn't have an outrageously high deductible. When I was a kid my parents never had medical insurance. With three brothers and myself there was never a broken bone and never a trip to the emergency room that I know of. The message was, be careful and don't get sick. Then, we had childhood ailments that have gone by the wayside: measles, mumps, chickenpox. I think it was a large part of my mother's responsibilities just to nurse us children when we were sick. I really didn't realize how important medical insurance was when I quit my job with benefits to stay home more with my own children when my second was born.

At age 55 I think I'm just beginning to realize the consequences of many of my former actions. Does it really do any good, though? There are often so many factors that come into play in any decision. As I move into a new phase of life I'll be, most likely, making a lot of decisions based on just as much lack of insight and foresight. I think I often don't know if decisions are the choice that leads to a right action. Who is to say whether the career choices I've made up to this point were the "right" ones? Being without work tends to make one question oneself. The best I know to do is to enter decision-making through the door of faith, be truthful, be aware, consult with trusted advisers, pray and meditate on the matter, and decide. When I've done this I can be at peace with the matter.

Uplifting Words

"Ours be the poems of all tongues,
All things of loveliness and worth.
All arts, all ages and all songs,
One life, one beauty on the earth"

~by Kenneth L. Patton

Recently I have become more aware of my passion for enjoying the creative expression of others and for encouraging that expression.

Spring

Today is the first day of spring, the March equinox, Naw-Ruz, the beginning of a new year. We're traveling to Muncie to celebrate with old friends. It's a time of the natural balance between the length of daylight and dark. Today I honor renewal.


This music expresses so much, a fitting tribute to the season. Israel Kamakawiwo'ole was truly a blessing to humanity through his music. One cannot help but recall the renditions of former artists, though, and I think this enhances the overall emotional impact of the piece. I can't seem to get this to post as a link, but the address is www.dailymotion.com/video/xeb6n_somewhere-over-the-rainbow.

A Garden of Delight

Today I finally worked through an issue and let go of a lingering pain. The story is that a certain someone, a significant person in my life, some time ago made a hurtful statement as to the substance of my life. I took it to heart and fed on the anger resulting from the fear that there was an element of truth to the statement. I was energized by the anger, which helped me take some actions I needed to take at the time, but the anger has long ago dissipated and I was left with this sort of wearisome and obstructing billboard in my mind where I had pasted up the words of degradation in bold print. Today I stripped the billboard, tore it down, marked off a garden plot and created an affirmation of my choosing, "My life is a garden of delight."

I already have fertilizer, so it won't be long before I'll be ready to plant.

image from outsider-artists.net