Happy Birthday to Me

Today is the beginning of my 56th year on this earth. It seems my life is in such a state of flux it's not apparent what meaning to attach to this event. (And, the human mind does strive for meaning.) I know I desire balance. I've been through so many changes I suppose it's inevitable I'd still be reeling a bit, so I need to accept that. I fell in love (perhaps more on that incredible experience in another post), got married, moved from my community of over 30 years, sold my house, quit my job, and relocated-not to mention more personal situations too tender to mention here).

I remember as a child spinning about in a grassy, open area, just for the fun of it, then falling onto the ground, giggling and dizzy. When I started to get up, there was sometimes the prolonged moment of feeling nauseated and maybe wishing I hadn't spun quite so long or so fast. I would sink back to the earth and try to enjoy the sensation of dizziness again. Eventually I'd regain a sense of balance and again start to get up and walk. As I walked it was quite unpleasant for a while; I might be able to walk upright, but not without great effort. It was only a short moment after that my balance would return and I could move about normally. Perhaps this memory is a metaphor for me right now. I believe I'm in the getting up and walking stage, but it is with great effort.

image from hubpages.com

Job Hunting

This job hunting business is difficult and at times disheartening, a real test of reliance on God. In the spirit of the original purpose of this blog, let me focus on the positive.

Reestablishing myself in the world of work, hopefully in the area of my experience and chosen career path, is a big part of this whole-life transition. It has been clear to me in the past that God has guided me in my work endeavors and has placed me where He wanted me to be. I trust this process continues. I've had experiences of just having jobs practically handed to me out of the blue and of ardently praying and then receiving an answer laid out before me which required detailed and persistent follow through. One job seemed so directly arranged by spiritual forces that the initial interview for that job remains one of the most vivid spiritual experiences of my life. I am letting these past experiences serve as an assurance in times of doubt.

I'll just keep praying and knocking on doors. I will cherish the moments of encouragement I receive and let them inspire me, even when they don't pan out the way I might want. I'll keep my heart and mind focused on work as worship; by serving mankind I serve God. I'll be open to the guidance and strength to carry out what I come to believe is God's will for my work life.

Happiness

"I believe that satisfaction, joy and happiness are the ultimate purposes of life. And the basic sources of happiness are a good heart, compassion, and love." The Dalai Lama



Today I saw this quote on a blog that I want to revisit: mariposapsychotherapy.blogspot.com. For the past several years I have worked as an educator in connection with the mental health profession and I miss my former co-workers dearly. Visiting this sight seemed almost like a visit with them. As I write this I am reminded again that every change involves a loss of the former so the new can come into being. I have said my former job was like spiritual boot camp. It was an adventure and a challenge. It brought me a sense of satisfaction and I believe it helped me develop spiritually. It helped sustain me through a difficult period in my life and through the work I developed professional skills that I may use to move myself into this new phase of my life, here in a different community. The author uses the symbol of a butterfly as a recurring theme of metamorphosis and transformation. Again, I am reminded of the inspiration people receive from nature. Are the struggles I'm currently experiencing simply the hard work of emerging from the chrysalis? Maybe if I visualize myself as a butterfly...

image from csslara.com

A New Sister

This moving to another area has had a domino effect. Some changes are bittersweet. For one, my dearest friend who has been easily accessible because she was my neighbor, is no longer close by. This has been a great loss for me. Over a period of years that nearly spans the lifetimes of our children we had often walked miles in the early morning hours. I shared detailed aspects of my life with her I would not have shared with any other person. We have had a truly spiritual friendship, helping one another to stay on the right path. She never hesitated to tell me when she thought I was wrong, but I always knew she was in my corner. It is her companionship I miss the most. I will always remember the beauty of walking along the riverside in the early morning cool and spotting cranes in the water through the rising mist.

Such moments of companionship just cannot be a constant now for us at this distance.

So, I recently told her in one of our phone conversations that she has now simply become my sister, that I see no other solution. She was gracious enough to agree that's good.

Sacred Spaces

I have spent some time in the past few weeks exploring the nearby parks, particularly searching for a place that feels like a sacred space to me. Yesterday, we came upon a pine grove on a knoll above a marshy area. Also, I walked a labyrinth while meditating on a specific transition I am going through, then picked up a rock to bring home as a reminder of the insight that came to me. I later learned that this labyrinth is one of the largest and most beautiful within a hundred mile radius of my new home.