Color of Perfection

The colors were perfection today! The redbud is in full bloom and the dogwood is nearly there, still hanging onto a tinge of green in the white. The magnolias are beginning to drop their big petals beneath the trees. Forsythia and daffodils abound around here. There is a civic group of some sort that promotes the planting of daffodils, so they are blooming throughout the town, as well as on nearby farmsteads and business grounds. Oh, my God, thank you for that! I think I cannot see that color without feeling its energy throughout my body. Trees are sprouting leaves and dark wild onion shoots rise above the rich, green, uncut clumps of varied grasses. Some fields are covered with a purple flower I don't know and some yards are awash with bluebells. I have enjoyed driving past the landscapes. The violets are more subtle; one must be up close to catch their beauty. The pink buds on our peach tree have opened to full within the past two days and will probably begin to fade by tomorrow evening. Against the backdrop of dark sky the colors seemed especially brilliant.

Add to this visual delight the voices of birds reveling in the season, the smell of air washed with a recent rain and the soft touch of a cool breeze reaching through the warmth. Today the gift of a Hoosier spring enraptured my heart. Today I am reminded the Earth is a sacred place.

Started the Job

Well, I've started the job. I'm not an employee, but an independent contractor with the public school. My official position is Outreach Specialist for the Out of School Youth Program. The work has been intense and the learning curve steep since day one. Another beginning.

I've been hesitant to post or to make much comment on the job. I guess I want some sense that it will be successfully completed before I comment. It's short term, grant funded. I'm drawing on much of my past experience, but am, also, called on to do things I've never done before. Right now I'm doing some simple computer graphics, but it doesn't seem so simple since it's all new to me. I am trying to focus each day on excellence of attitude and bringing no expectations or judgment to my work, just accepting this as an opportunity to serve.

The Tasks Before Me

"Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be the miracle."

— Phillips Brooks

I copied this from The Daily Gratitude Blog, one of my links. This is a place I go for inspiration regularly now. I've been saving this quote, thinking I'd possibly post it along with some comment, if and when I knew I had the position I was attempting to independently contract with the public school. Today I started. It's going to be quite a challenge and I do, indeed, need to pray for powers equal to the tasks. I attempt to go into this work, not with excitement and expectations, but with serenity and faith. My energy must come from the playing out of gratitude. I am definitely grateful for this opportunity.

Happy Birthday to Me

Today is the beginning of my 56th year on this earth. It seems my life is in such a state of flux it's not apparent what meaning to attach to this event. (And, the human mind does strive for meaning.) I know I desire balance. I've been through so many changes I suppose it's inevitable I'd still be reeling a bit, so I need to accept that. I fell in love (perhaps more on that incredible experience in another post), got married, moved from my community of over 30 years, sold my house, quit my job, and relocated-not to mention more personal situations too tender to mention here).

I remember as a child spinning about in a grassy, open area, just for the fun of it, then falling onto the ground, giggling and dizzy. When I started to get up, there was sometimes the prolonged moment of feeling nauseated and maybe wishing I hadn't spun quite so long or so fast. I would sink back to the earth and try to enjoy the sensation of dizziness again. Eventually I'd regain a sense of balance and again start to get up and walk. As I walked it was quite unpleasant for a while; I might be able to walk upright, but not without great effort. It was only a short moment after that my balance would return and I could move about normally. Perhaps this memory is a metaphor for me right now. I believe I'm in the getting up and walking stage, but it is with great effort.

image from hubpages.com

Spring

Today is the first day of spring, the March equinox, Naw-Ruz, the beginning of a new year. We're traveling to Muncie to celebrate with old friends. It's a time of the natural balance between the length of daylight and dark. Today I honor renewal.


This music expresses so much, a fitting tribute to the season. Israel Kamakawiwo'ole was truly a blessing to humanity through his music. One cannot help but recall the renditions of former artists, though, and I think this enhances the overall emotional impact of the piece. I can't seem to get this to post as a link, but the address is www.dailymotion.com/video/xeb6n_somewhere-over-the-rainbow.

Threads

I feel like I'm picking up the threads of my life and beginning again. Maybe this blog is helping me find a pattern. I want to stick to my original purpose. It is a part of my creative process to move within a structure.

It seems I prefer to post about twice a week. So, today I'm making a commitment to myself to do that. It's just a loose commitment, just a pattern to keep me going. (I think of this fabric I'm weaving as gauze-like, floating on the breeze.) I've used writing in that way in my life before. I've gone through periods of time where I've written stories. I like to collect stories that inspire me, too. I try to commit them to memory so I can retell them, though I'm not very good at it. They are my souvenirs of life.

I've written quite a lot of poetry, probably enough to fill a comfortable sized volume. Sometimes I think of compiling it. Would it be simply for my own self expression?

A New Sister

This moving to another area has had a domino effect. Some changes are bittersweet. For one, my dearest friend who has been easily accessible because she was my neighbor, is no longer close by. This has been a great loss for me. Over a period of years that nearly spans the lifetimes of our children we had often walked miles in the early morning hours. I shared detailed aspects of my life with her I would not have shared with any other person. We have had a truly spiritual friendship, helping one another to stay on the right path. She never hesitated to tell me when she thought I was wrong, but I always knew she was in my corner. It is her companionship I miss the most. I will always remember the beauty of walking along the riverside in the early morning cool and spotting cranes in the water through the rising mist.

Such moments of companionship just cannot be a constant now for us at this distance.

So, I recently told her in one of our phone conversations that she has now simply become my sister, that I see no other solution. She was gracious enough to agree that's good.