Decisions and Medical Insurance

I've carried medical insurance previously, but this is the first time in almost 20 years that I've been covered under a group plan, thanks to my husband's medical insurance that is provided through his employer. It's still expensive, but doesn't have an outrageously high deductible. When I was a kid my parents never had medical insurance. With three brothers and myself there was never a broken bone and never a trip to the emergency room that I know of. The message was, be careful and don't get sick. Then, we had childhood ailments that have gone by the wayside: measles, mumps, chickenpox. I think it was a large part of my mother's responsibilities just to nurse us children when we were sick. I really didn't realize how important medical insurance was when I quit my job with benefits to stay home more with my own children when my second was born.

At age 55 I think I'm just beginning to realize the consequences of many of my former actions. Does it really do any good, though? There are often so many factors that come into play in any decision. As I move into a new phase of life I'll be, most likely, making a lot of decisions based on just as much lack of insight and foresight. I think I often don't know if decisions are the choice that leads to a right action. Who is to say whether the career choices I've made up to this point were the "right" ones? Being without work tends to make one question oneself. The best I know to do is to enter decision-making through the door of faith, be truthful, be aware, consult with trusted advisers, pray and meditate on the matter, and decide. When I've done this I can be at peace with the matter.

The Pathway

Serenity is my desire. Serenity stems from truthfulness. Truthfulness is the foundation of a life of serenity. I walk the pathway of serenity with gratitude and faith. Gratitude brings joy which gives me a spiritual energy I like to call wings. This uplifts me to a holy place. Faith gives me strength, which results in perseverance. I rely on my Creator for the inspiration and guidance that directs both my stillness and my movement.

Compassion manifests itself in the kindness that leads to my service to humanity and truthfulness leads to the awareness that is necessary for my right action. Through this path I come to serenity and I enter into peace. This is the journey of life, which is simply an entering into the center of my being where I experience a stillness that immerses me in the Creative Force.

As I remain in truthfulness my heart unfolds with compassion. I take right action and continue to experience awareness of both my inner and outer being. I respond to my unique life experience with kindness to myself and others, enabled to be of service beyond my capacity as I walk with my gaze fixed on the Creative Source.

Faith keeps me centered and my gratitude increases. I persevere with the strength I am provided by the Provider. I am lifted up and supported. I walk in joy. This is the pathway I am taking to becoming who I am, a loved child of God.

image from outsider-artists.net

An Old Journal

This is part of a journal entry I found from December 23, 2006:

"I feel as if I have come to almost a complete stillness in my soul. I ask only that I be open to love, that I may give and receive love without obstruction, that I grow in infinite intimacy with my Creator as I joyfully embrace the co-creative experience. May I be fully human-in servitude unto my Lord."

Now, I look back at the amazing events that have unfolded, both within my own life and in the outer world. First, there were the confirmations, then the tests. It has been tumultuous for me, but now I am back to the peace and I am grateful.